An in-depth look at what was historically the traditional relationship between children and their elders in Russia was explored in this thorough article translated below. As always, since it was machine translated, we apologize in advance for any errors.

Image: Peasant family, 1912.

By M. M. Gromyko

The most important moral basis of the family was the respectful attitude of children to their parents, which was brought up in peasant families from a young age and strengthened by the very structure of religious and social life of the village throughout the life of each person.

"Children are respectful to their elders, even fearful," S.Y. Derunov of the Poshekhonsky district noted in a report.

"In the peasantry here, parents are very child-loving, and children are obedient and respectful. I have not yet seen examples of children leaving their father or mother outdated in contempt", - wrote the observer about the Tula province at the turn of the XVIII - XIX centuries.

A respectful attitude towards parents and the older generation in general can be traced by sources throughout the territory of Russian settlement, although already in the 18th century and especially in the 19th century there was some weakening of the authority of elders. But public opinion still sharply condemned those who allowed themselves a disrespectful attitude towards the elders.

The religious backing for reverence of one’s parents comes from the Gospel, "For God commanded: esteem father and mother; and: he who reviles father or mother shall die by death" (Matthew 15:4) and was especially clear in the widespread Russian attitude toward parental blessings and parental curses.

It was reported from Karachev District, Oryol Province, that even the most disobedient children were not taken anywhere without their parents' blessing. "People treat parental curses with unusual fear," N. A. Ivanitsky wrote on the basis of Vologda materials, and "parental blessings have deep respect." He also noted that, according to folk beliefs, a mother's prayer can work miracles. "A mother's prayer will reach even the bottom of the sea."

In the Vologda region there was a belief: if parents curse a child, he will certainly be taken away by a sprite. "If the father on his deathbed, even if in absentia, gives his blessing, then the life of the one who received this blessing will be happy, and if he does not, even if not intentionally, then everything will go badly." 

Ivanitsky's conclusions are confirmed by the information on the Vologda district, submitted to the Ethnographic Bureau by correspondent Aristarkhov. Peasants firmly believe, he testified, that the parents' blessing "neither sinks on water, nor burns in fire." He elaborated on the judgments of parental curse. Disobedience to a parent sometimes causes "a curse, which weighs, according to the belief of the peasants, on the cursed until death. The cursed need everything, they live miserably, poorly, and have sullen faces. Even the house, cattle, buildings, children, etc. bear the mark of the curse of the father or mother. Children of the cursed one are fierce and disobedient to their parent. The cattle are skinny. The building has a gloomy appearance.

In Cherepovets Uyezd, Novgorod Province, people were also afraid of a parental curse: it was believed that then you will live a poor life, there will be no happiness in anything. In contrast, parental blessing and prayer were respected here (as the informant put it). On a long journey, on the earnings, in the army, at marriage - in all these cases, parental blessing was considered the main thing. Letters to parents asked for their blessing first and foremost.

"The power of parental curse and parental prayer is irresistible," wrote A. Lebedev from the village of Podbushka, in the Kasluga district of Kaluga Province, to the Ethnographic Bureau.

A.A. Fomin from the village of Prechistogo, Karashskaya oblast, Rostovsky region (Yaroslavl province) revealed this provision in more detail: "Parental blessing is given great importance here: one of the local peasants upon arrival from work (referring to paternal work away from his village. - M.G.) did not find his old father alive, and therefore did not have time to get a blessing from him; although more than five years had passed since then, this peasant still regrets and weeps, every failure that befalls him, he attributes to the fact that he did not receive a blessing from his father.

A.A. Fomin, one of the very prolific informants of the Ethnographic Bureau, in his texts refers to the issue of the relationship between parents and children in connection with going to work, or going away to work. Noting that in their area only boys between the ages of 16 and 21 usually go to work, he emphasizes that it is the parents who send them - the desire of the boys themselves does not matter. The young man must send home all the money he earns, or his parents will drag him back to work. We are talking about single guys, because married guys rarely went to work here. The same correspondent writes: "A son cannot leave his father's house arbitrarily: if his son decided to go to work without permission his father could always tell the parish administration that his son should not be given his passport; if the son went to live in another house his father had the right to demand maintenance from him".

The community (parish) usually took the side of the parents in case of conflict. Nevertheless, cases of parental arbitrariness were rare. As long as each of the parties was guided in its behavior by the Orthodox moral notions, mutual love took them out of the difficulties created by the age and other differences of the generations. The same Fomin notes: "According to the views of the local peasants, any father can always kick his son out of the house; but in reality, there have been no cases here of a father kicking his son out of the house without any allotment. A father's oral will had the same force after his death as all his orders in family matters during his lifetime.

Note that this is an oral will, not a written one. Here, as in loans of money, the religious and moral approach was decisive in the behavior of most peasants: the will of the deceased could not be broken, even if it seemed unfair or somehow burdensome to the living, for the violation would have to answer to God.

The son had to obey his parents in all matters, both economic and personal, until he was separated from his father's family into an independent household, and the daughter until she married. The father was predominantly in charge of the sons' affairs and the mother of the daughters. The degree of subordination of children to their parents changed sharply with the separation of the son or the marriage of the daughter. The father and mother practically lost power over them, according to peasant perceptions. It was here that the moral basis of their relations - respect, love, care, desire to support and provide for old and sick parents - came out in its purest form. In this period, too, the public opinion of the village and its legal customs were on the side of the parents.

"Children, when they come of age, must rest and care for their parents in their old age, and give them a decent allowance, and always give them reverence and obedience. It was the duty of children to bury their parents fairly and commemorate them" - this was the custom in Yaroslavl province. The Russian peasants in Altai had an unwritten, customary law that also solved this question unambiguously: children were obliged to support their parents if they were "unable to be supported by their own labor".

According to peasant ethics, it was not only parents who were worthy of respect, but also elders in general. The elderly were given a place of honor at family meals. They were greeted with reverence when meeting them in the street. Children were taught the concept of respect for the elderly from their early years. An essential role in this was taught through fairy tales and folktales of a religious-educational nature, which the villagers were so eager to read. In the fairy tale "Ivan the peasant's son," for example, the hero, who is rude to an old woman, suffers misfortune; and when he comes to his senses and asks her forgiveness, he receives very important advice. Often such edifying stories were told as real incidents, with a reference to someone who had seen it with his own eyes.

It is not even possible to list in passing all the cases in which the opinion and advice of the elders in the community was sought. Here before me are the records sent to the Geographical Society in the middle of the 19th century (before the reform of 1861) by Vasily Emelyanov, who carefully observed the life of serfs of five villages in Bobrovsky County, Voronezh Province.

The peasants of these three villages (Saburovka, Ivanovka, Nikolskaya) and these two villages (Maslovka and Mikhailovskoye) were landlords. The peasants regularly assembled in the community for the election to various worldly offices, recruitment, etc. The community used to organize summits. The community also passed judgment in relatively minor cases. The eldest member of each family came to the gathering. When it was not considered necessary to call a "community" meeting, the cases were solved by several elders, "the most respected people for their impartiality". They discussed each question in detail; if they disagreed, they decided it by a majority. In particular, in family divisions, if someone appealed to the world, the elder convened "several elders, distinguished from the others by impartiality."

The records from another county of Voronezh Province, Valujskii Province, also tell of the influence of elders "enjoying special respect" at gatherings. If the gathering sentenced the guilty person to ask for forgiveness, he asked both the offended person and the elders for it. But, for example, in the village of Meshkova (Oryol District, Oryol Province) there was a "public court" of elders. The author of the correspondence reports that there were similar courts "in other villages of our area as well. The "public court" was chosen when it was impossible to solve a case at once by the whole assembly, and it often preceded the assembly. The court consisted of four peasants of good reputation, at least 45-50 years old, and the headman. The task of the court was not to let the villagers complain against each other to the authorities, but to solve the dispute on their own, within the community. The court of elders dealt here, as in other places, with contentious cases of family divisions, fights, potlucks, insults, and violations of prohibitions to work on holidays.

The date of the beginning of the harvest was set by the elders; they were also advisers in other economic matters. But if outward manifestations of respect - greeting, giving up a seat, sitting down at a table, attentive listening - usually applied to all elderly people without exception, asking for advice or arbitration of a dispute was clearly associated with individual qualities of the elders: for their conscientiousness, impartiality, talent in a particular matter, special knowledge, and flair for nature.

Some observers noted a weakening of parental authority at the turn of the nineteenth and twentieth centuries. In other accounts, "children's unwillingness to obey their parents" appears as a frequent cause of separation. This trend grows stronger as the spiritual upbringing in peasant families weakens.