One of the most common reasons people give for avoiding church is the hurt they’ve experienced at the hands of others within its walls. “They didn’t answer me kindly, they offended me, they didn’t accept me,” is a refrain heard often from those who have turned away from the faith.

Those who are deeply rooted in the church know the usual response to this: “We go to church to seek God. People are imperfect; we are all there because we are spiritually unwell, seeking healing. We must not confuse God with the actions of those who have caused us pain.”

Yet, this same confusion often befalls even the devout. It’s not just the newly disillusioned who mistake the shortcomings of others for the nature of God—it’s also those who have been in the church for years. When life deals us unbearable blows—serious problems we can’t solve, tragedies we can’t understand, losses we can’t accept—the pain can feel insurmountable. And in our anguish, we sometimes mistakenly attribute this pain to God.

We might think, “He sent this suffering to me,” and the soul cries out, “Then why do I pray so much? Why do I wake up at dawn to go to church, only to spend the rest of the day exhausted and weary? Why do I fulfill all these religious duties?”

This pain becomes intertwined with our perception of God, and we begin to pull away. Our prayers become less frequent or stop altogether. We visit the church less often. When this happened in my own life, I justified it by telling myself that the pain was already too much to bear, so I’d lighten the load by praying less, giving my mind a rest. I told myself I needed a spiritual holiday.

But returning from such a holiday is no easy task. Just as it’s hard to get back into the rhythm of work after a vacation, it’s even harder—nearly impossible—to return from a break in one’s spiritual life. At first, it seems like you were just trying to rest from the pain, but in reality, it turns into a break from God. Yet, God is love! God is the only source of true joy! God is the only healer. God is the only source of strength. Only God can set things right! And His yoke is easy if we remain with Him.

How do we stay with Him? We talk to Him—through prayer. We listen to Him—by reading the Gospel. Did I suffer? The Gospel is full of the story of Christ’s suffering on the cross. Could anything be more painful? Is there anything about pain that God does not understand? My pain included?

I believe that when I cry from the depths of my wounds, Christ sits beside me and cries too, because He pities me, His child. For He has lived through everything possible and impossible in the human body! No one understands better than He does, and no one can comfort us as He can.

In these moments, it’s crucial to remind ourselves not to confuse human imperfection with God’s will. People will fail us; they will hurt us, intentionally or not. But God is not those people. God is the steady, unwavering presence of love and understanding. When we suffer, God does not stand aloof—He is with us, feeling every pang of our sorrow, ready to bring us comfort and healing if we only turn to Him.

Let us not allow the failings of others to drive us away from the source of all comfort. In our darkest moments, let us not mistake our pain as something sent by God to punish or test us. Instead, let us draw closer to Him, knowing that He is the one who can heal our wounds and restore our souls.